campkilkare: (Default)
T. Oso ([personal profile] campkilkare) wrote2011-02-16 01:20 pm

Homestuck fic again yes, holiday-themed >:]

The Troll Megillah

apocalypseArisen [AA] has started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]
AA: n0

GC: >:?

apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GA: I Suppose I Can Do It

GA: In Addition To My Other Responsibilities

GA: I Mean I Do Not Mind

GA: But I Thought You Would Reserve Such A Major Role For Yourself

GC: >:] TH4NKS

GC: BUT 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD R4TH3R S1T TH3R3

GC: 4ND W4TCH



GC: G4MZ33

TC: WhOa
TC: i WaS jUsT aLl hAvInG a MoThERfUcKiNg DrEaM dOwN wItH oF yOu


GC: R34LLY

GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D?

TC: i MoThERfUcKiNg SaW yOu BeInG aLl uP iN a ClOuD

TC: tYpInG

GC: W4S 1 S3ND1NG YOU 4 M3SS4GE?

TC: yEaH! :o)

GC: HMMM WH4T W4S 1T 4BOUT?

GC: W4S 1T... 4 M1R4CL3?

TC: wHoA tHiS iS gEtTiNg PrEtTy SpOoKy

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

GC: 1 4M PL4NN1NG SOM3TH1NG

GC: 4ND 1T 1NVOLV3S 4 M1R4CL3!

GC: SORT OF

GC: 4ND 1 4M TRY1NG TO G3T 3V3RYON3 1NVOLV3D

TC: WeLl CoUnT mE iN

TC: aNd dOwN

TC: AnD gEnErAlLy AlL aBoUt It

GC: >:O

GC: BUT YOU DONT 3V3N KNOW WH4T 1T 1S!

TC: yEaH...

TC: bUt...

GC: M1R4CL3S?

TC: MiRaClEs :o)

TC: hOnK



TA: ii 2tiill dont follow what iit iis you want me two do ff

TA: or ii gue22 ii do

TA: but not why

CC: MAYB-E its a SURPRIS--E MIST--ER MOP---EYMULL--ET!

CC: )(-E)(-E)(-E

TA: oh okay well ii gue22 iill ju2t hack anybodys computer on your 2ay2o wiithout a2kiing any que2tiion2 JEEZ

CC: thats right!! 38D

TA: defiiniitely excu2e me for a2king YOUR HIIGHNE22 ii just thought iit wa2 a liittle fii2hy

TA: you wantiing to acce22 vrii2ka2 computer after all the 2chemiing and planniing and giiggling youve been up two wiith tz

TA: it2 the giiggliing that worriie2 me the mo2t

CC: as well it should! )(ee)(ee

CC: anyway its not vriskas clamputer i want to get my fins on, reely!

CC: its tavros' hive 38)

TA: oh well that2 a lot le22 omiinou2

CC: )(ee)(ee)(ee

GC: H3H3H3H3H3

CC: )(-E-E)(-E--------E!!!

TA: oh god iim iin hell

CC: 38P you minnow you love it



GC: OK K4N4Y4 4GR33D TO DO TH3 COSTUM3S 4ND B3 1N TH3 PL4Y

GC: 4ND G4MZ33 1S 1N

GC: 1 PUT H1M 1N CH4RG3 OF NO1S3M4K3RS 4ND B4K1NG

AT: oH

AT: uMM

AT: aRE YOU SURE THAT IS, uHH, gOING TO WORK OUT ENTIRELY AS PLANNED AND NOT WITH

AT: fOR EXAMPLE

AT: hIM FORGETTING ENTIRELY TO DO IT BECAUSE HE WAS LOOKING AT, uHH, a ROCK

AT: oR A COLORFUL BUG

GC: H3H3H3

AT: i MEAN

AT: hE IS MY FRIEND

AT: bUT I DONT THINK HE WOULD BE, uHH, oFFENDED BY MY CONCERNS

AT: oR, uHH, uNDERSTAND WHAT I SAID }:/

GC: 1 4GR33!

AT: oH

GC: WH1CH 1S WHY YOU 4R3 1N CH4RG3 OF R3MIND1NG 4ND 4SS1ST1NG H1M!

AT: oH

AT: i WILL DO MY BEST TO HELP

AT: aND BE A GOOD FRIEND AND SUPPORT THIS CULTURAL ACTIVITY WHICH I

AT: uHH

AT: dONT FULLY UNDERSTAND I GUESS

GC: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO >:]

GC: JUST R3M3MB3R TH3 COOK13S SHOULD B3 SH4P3D L1K3 HORNS >:]

AT: oKAY

AT: tHAT IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF THING, i GUESS, tHAT I DON'T FULLY UNDERSTAND

GC: H3H3H3H





gallowsCalibrator [GC] has started pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]
GC: 1 W4S WOND3R1NG 1F YOU M1GHT W4NT TO B3 1N 4 PL4Y

AA: I d0nt think y0u understand the magnitude 0f what you are asking

AA: and I already answered y0u

GC: 1 W4S TRY1NG TO R3V1S3 DOWN >:[

GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL H4V3NT R34LLY 4SK3D

apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GC: TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON 4PP34RS 4T TH3 C4V3RN MOUTH B34RING 4 M1GHTY F34ST 4ND 4 M1GHT13R 3MBR4C3!

AC: :OO :33

AC: :33 > The lioness greets the dragon with a vigorous pouncehug and a lot of purring!

AC: :33 > But warns she is simeowtaneously advenfuring with her silly meowrail (someow) and might have to go away!

AC: :33 > It has been a long time since you had time to roleplay with me! She purrs.

GC: Y3S

GC: TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON H4S B33N V3RY BUSY W1TH OP3R4T1ON R3G1SURP >:[

GC: BUT 1S D3T3RMIN3D TO H4V3 SOM3 FUN R3G4RDL3SS!

GC: 4ND D3SP1T3 4LL NUBBY-HORN3D ST1CKS 1N TH3 MUD

GC: 1 W4NT TO G3T 3V3RYON3 TOG3TH3R

AC: :33> To roleplay??

AC: :33> Oh purrlease purrlease

GC: SORT OF!

GC: TH3R3 W1LL B3 4 PL4Y 1 TH1NK

GC: 4ND M4YB3 3V3N 4 M4SQU3R4D3

GC: UH, S41D TH3 DR4GON

AC: :OO> How can the lioness assist with this impawsibly lofurly dream?

GC: YOU 4R3 OUR MOST 3XP3R13NC3D ROL3PL4Y3R

GC: 1 N33D YOU TO ORG4N1Z3 TH3 PL4Y!!

GC: OH 4ND DONT T3LL 3QU1US Y3T

GC: TH3 DR4GON W1LL N33D TO 4PPRO4CH H1M W1TH CUNN1NG 4ND PR3P4R4T1ON

GC: N3P3T4?

AC: :((

GC: OH BOY

AC: :33 > oops











CT: D--> I forbid you to involve Nepeta in whatever f001ishness you have concocted

CT: D--> I canter imagine what 100di%rous horsefeathers you have in mind

CT: D--> But you will not saddle my moirail with any responsibilities in the matter

CT: D--> When we have important business to attend to in the game

CT: D--> Are we entirely trans100%

GC: >:?

CT: D--> Cent, translucent
CT: D--> Are we clear on my e%pectations


GC:OH J33Z
GC: F1N3


GC: 1 GU3SS W3 C4N DO W1THOUT OUR D1R3CTOR

GC: 4ND OUR K1NG >:[

GC: 1TS 4 PR3TTY 1MPORT4NT ROL3 BUT I GU3SS VR1SK4 C4N PL4Y 4 H1GHBLOOD JUST 4S W3LL 4S YOU COULD

CT: D--> Halt. Er, I order you to wait

GC: OR 1 GU3SS 1 COULD 4SK G4MZ33 BUT W3 BOTH KNOW H3 WOULD FORG3T HIS LINES

CT: D--> What is this about the Highblood

GC: 4ND 1T R34LLY N33DS SOM3ON3 STRONG 4ND F13RC3 AND COMM4ND1NG >:/

CT: D--> I order you to e%plain yourself, Miss Pyrope

GC: OH 1M SUR3 YOU WOULDNT B3 1NT3R3ST3D 1N MY S1LLY 3NT3RT41NM3NT >:]

CT: D--> Actually we of the more cultured b100dlines have long and storied traditions of putting on entertainments

CT: D--> For reasons of nece%ity as well as horstory

CT: D--> I order you to tell me more



CA: dang it ter this play is all kind of insultin

CA: tell the truth did you wwrite it this wway on purpose

CA: jabbin at me?

CA: some kinda shadowwy solicitin goin on here

GC: UGH

GC: NO!!

GC: 1T 1S 4N OLD TR4D1T1ON4L STORY FROM 4NC1ENT T1MES!

GC: TH4T MY LUS3S TOLD M3

CA: hmmmm

CA: im just sayin it seems all kinds of pointed

CA: pointed like a big black pointy spade

GC: UGH 4R3 YOU 1N OR OUT?

CA: wwell wwhats in it for me do you see wwhat im sayin? seems like this brinesucker comes to a pretty sticky end

CA: lets talk rewwrites

GC: W3 AR3 NOT T4K1NG OUT TH3 H4NG1NG, 1T 1S TH3 B3ST P4RT!!
GC: LOOK DO YOU W4NT TO B3 1N MY PL4Y OR DO YOU W4NT TO S1T 4ROUND LOW44 4ND MURD3R 4NG3LS WH1L3 W3R3 4LL H4V1NG FUN?


GC: YOUR C4LL

CA: wwell

GC: 4DV4NC3 OR 4BSCOND! 4DV4NC3 OR 4BSCOND!

CA: fin fin calm the hell dowwn

CA: wwere just negotiatin

GC: >:|

CA: damn you drivve a hard bargain ter

CA: im in i guess

CA: but dont think youre gettin awway wwith anything

GC: F1N3
gallowsCalibrator [GC] has ceased pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: <3<

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]

apocalypseArisen [AA] has started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]
AA: fine but 0nly because it fits int0 what i was always already g0ing t0 d0 anyway

GC: >:?????????

GC: 1 SUDD3NLY DONT UND3RST4ND 4NYTH1NG

apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]



AG: heeeeeeeey

AG: I think my feelings are hurt

AG: you havent asked me to 8e a part of your little scheme

GC: 1TS NOT 4 SCH3M3

AG: oh please redglare you are in cahoots with 8asically everyone at this point

AG: everyone 8ut me and your 8oyfriend ::::C

GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT

GC: OR WHO... >:?

AG: YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!

AG: anyway

AG: I just wanted to know I saw what you've got Fishf8ce 8uilding on Toreasnore's planet

AG: pretty impressive if i do say so myself!

AG: both the palace and that you got into my computer and 8uilt it

AG: with my grist!

AG: PRETTY SM8RT!!!!!!!!

GC: LOOK 1 H4V3 4 LOT OF 1RONS 1N TH3 F1R3

GC: 4ND 1 KNOW YOU DO TOO

AG: I have all of them!

AG: And don't you forget it

AG: All of the irons!

GC: OK4Y

GC: W3LL YOU 4R3 SO BUSY W1TH J4CK 1 THOUGHT 1 WOULDNT BOTH3R YOU

GC: SO 1 4SK3D F3F3R1 TO BU1LD 4 S3T FOR M3

GC: T4VROS' WORLD W4S TH3 MOST 4PPROPR14T3 PL4C3

GC: SORRY 1F 1 OFF3ND3D YOU

AG: You wish you were significant enough to offend me, Redglare! ::::P

GC: Y34H...

GC: W3LL W3R3 4BOUT DON3

GC: SO 1F YOU W4NT H3R OFF YOUR COMPUT3R JUST CLOS3 OUT TH3 SH4DOW PROGR4M

AG: Oh I will! I just wanted you to know I'm on to you!

GC: M3SS4G3 R3C13V3D. JUST PL34S3 DONT SM4SH 1T?

AG: Sorry to ruin your little scheme!
arachnidsGrip [AG]
's computer exploded!
GC: WHOOPS >:]



CG: OKAY

GC: 1 B3T VR1SK4 M3SS4G3D YOU

GC: SH3S H4D T1M3 TO 4LCH3MIZ3 4 N3W COMPUT3R BY NOW

CG: 1T DOESN'T MATTER WHO MESSAGED ME ALL RIGHT

CG: THIS IS NOT THE WHO MESSAGED KARKAT CONVERSATION

CG: IT IS THE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BEHIND YOUR LEADER'S BACK CONVERSATION

CG: SO

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK TEREZI??

GC: YOU 4R3 SO 4DOR4BL3

GC: 4ND DUMB

CG: I'M NOT HEARING ANY EXPLANATIONS

GC: L1K3 4 L1TTL3 TOY SOLD13R 4LL WOUND UP

GC: W1THOUT P4Y1NG 4TT3NT1ON TO WHO H4S H3R H4ND ON TH3 K3Y!

GC: YOU 4R3 B31NG M4N1PUL83D, DUMMY!

CG: BULLSHIT

CG: YOU ARE JUST AVOIDING EXPLAINING

CG: WHICH MEANS IT IS EXTRA TERRIBLE

GC: OH J33Z

GC: 3XCUS3 M3 FOR NOT BUGG1NG OUR L34D3R W1TH MY S1LLY PL4NS

GC: 1TS JUST TH4T TH3R3 1S 4 HOL1D4Y COM1NG

GC: 4 SP3C14L J3WG1SH HOL1D4Y

GC: 4ND 3V3N THOUGH W3 4R3 H3R3 4ND OUR WORLD 1S GON3 1 THOUGHT 1T WOULD B3 FUN

GC: SOM3 OF US 4R3 NOT 4S STRONG 4ND R3S1L13NT 4S YOU

GC: 1 THOUGHT 1T WOULD CH33R 3V3RYON3 UP

GC: 4ND K33P US BUSY

CG: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BUSY WITH OPERATION REGISURP

GC: W3LL W3R3 4LMOST DON3!

GC: J4CK 1S TH3 ONLY ON3 L3FT

CG: WE ARE NOT EXILING JACK

CG: IT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION

GC: W3 C4N T4LK 4BOUT 1T L4T3R OK4Y?
GC: R1GHT NOW 1 4M D34L1NG W1TH 4 B1G PROBL3M!


CG: WHAT

GC: YOU W1LL TH1NK 1TS STUP1D

CG: BULLSHIT

CG: MORE LIES AND OBFUSCATION

CG: I ORDER YOU AS YOUR LEADER TO TELL ME

GC: W3LL

GC: MY ST4R DROPP3D OUT!

GC: TURNS OUT SOLLUX H4S ST4G3 FR1GHT

GC: H4LF TH3 T1M3 H3 JUST FR33Z3S UP 4ND ST4R3S OUT 4T TH3 4UD13NC3

GC: 4ND NO ON3 3LS3 CAN DO 1T! 3QU1US 4ND 3RIDAN H4V3 P4RTS 4ND 4R4D14 1S B31NG 4LL TH3 3XTR4S

GC: 4ND G4MZ33 1S G4MZ33

GC: 4ND 1 JUST DONT TH1NK T4VROS 1S CUT OUT TO PL4Y TH3 H3RO

GC: >:'(

CG: ...

GC: >:''''(

CG: GOD

CG: DAMN IT

GC: >:D?

CG: FINE
CG: I MEAN OBVIOUSLY THIS IS SOME KIND OF RETARDED SCHEME AND I AM PLAYING INTO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD IN MIND FOR ME


GC: NOOOOOOOO
GC: 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW WH4T YOU M34N


CG: FUCK YOU, STUFF THAT NONSENSE DOWN YOUR MENDACITY CHUTE

GC: >:[
CG: AND THEN TAMP IT DOWN WITH THE SOBERING REALIZATION THAT I AM THE PRIME CHUMP OF ALL PARADOX SPACE
CG: BECAUSE YOUR PATHETIC CROCODILE TEARS HAVE STILL MANAGED TO SUCK ME INTO YOUR VORTEX OF CRAZY
CG: I DON'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR STUPID MADE-UP HOLIDAY JUST BECAUSE I'M WAY TOO SMART FOR YOUR DREADFUL MACHINATIONS
CG: AND OF COURSE MY MAGNANIMOUS GODDAMN NATURE WAS ALWAYS A PART OF YOUR SCHEME ANYWAY
CG: SO
CG: FUCK ME, BASICALLY






GC: B4SIC4LLY! >:]
GC: CH33R UP K4RK4T 1T W1LL B3 FUN!


CG: OKAY SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO ANYWAY, WHO IS THIS GUY

GC: H3 1S TH3 H3RO 4ND ST4NDS UP TO TH3 H1GHBLOODS TO S4V3 H1S P3OPL3

GC: B3C4US3 H3 L1ST3NS TO 4 V3RY SM4RT L4DY >:]



It goes off without a hitch; and afterwards there's a masquerade, and they exchange treats, and there are cookies shaped like the villain's horns. The Aradias don't stay for the masquerade; Terezi tries not to imagine what she has and already had planned for a hundred doomed timeclones.

And on Derse, Vriska bundles Jack Noir, bound and gagged, into the back of a ship with the autopilot set for Skaia and the defense portals. He writhes furiously, but Vriska's webs are snug as sin. He spits the gag out, though, and curses her. "You can’t do this to me!! Don't you know who I am? I'm the Archagent!! I'm Ja--"

"P88888888T!"

Vriska grins fangily at him. "8on voyage, slick! ::::P" She slams the hatch closed and strolls away, the elaborate prototyping regalia pulled up over her face, vanishing into the carapaced crowd.

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